Is this what your sex life is like?

TO MY DEAR WIFE:


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During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.


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I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of聽once every ten days.


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The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:


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54 times the sheets were clean


17 times it was too late


49 times you were too tired


20 times it was too hot


15 times you pretended to be sleep


22 times you had a headache


17 times you were afraid of waking the baby


16 times you said you were too sore


12 times it was the wrong time of the month


19 times you had to get up early


9 times you said weren%26#039;t in the mood


7 times you were sunburned


6 times you were watching the late show


5 times you didn%26#039;t want to mess up your new hairdo


3 times you said the neighbors would hear us


9 times you said your mother would hear us


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Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:


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6 times you just laid there


8 times you reminded me there%26#039;s a crack in the ceiling


4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with


7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished


1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


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KEEP READING.......


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======================================...





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TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:


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I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn%26#039;t get more than you did:


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5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat


36 times you did not come home at all


21 times you didn%26#039;t ***


33 times you came too soon


19 times you went soft before you got in


38 times you worked too late


10 times you got cramps in your toes


29 times you had to get up early to play golf


2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls聽


4 times you got it stuck in your zipper


3 times you had a cold and your nose was running


2 times you had a splinter in your finger


20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day


6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book


98 times you were too busy watching TV


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Of the times we did get together:


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The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.


I wasn%26#039;t talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, %26quot;Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?%26quot;


The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.


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Is this what your sex life is like?
Elsie at least he tried 365 times my husband Michael W only had one excuse


1 He forgot to buy a viagra


2 He brought one but could not remember where he put it


3 He took one but it did not work


4 He took 2 by mistake and then found he could not turn over


5 Took one without water,coughed it up and is still looking for it under the bed and you think you have problems.!!!! Tomorrow he will put all the blame on 17pdr !!
Is this what your sex life is like?
Woman cant live with them cant live without them.
Reply:i%26#039;m laughin that much my sides hurt thats me and my bf that lol
Reply:lol
Reply:hmm no. nothing like my sex life!
Reply:No, that%26#039;s not what mine is like at all. And Parental Units, I really prefer it if you two would leave me out of these arguments you have.
Reply:I would just give up and please myself.
Reply:I%26#039;ve not kept a journal but I would hope my sex life does not read like that!
Reply:Mine is not as good as that.
Reply:Laughed like mad over this and how true :) (thankfully, women now have vibrators to do a better job of fulfilling our womanly needs).
Reply:funny
Reply:My, My Elsie, sense of humour?





Loved it!





Have a star.
Reply:thank god for the rampant rabbit
Reply:Elsie you make me laugh...lol
Reply:This is funny even though I have no one :(
Reply:Very good Elsie.


Ps.


Dont take any notice of pdr17.5 he lives in a bubble.
Reply:Ha ha ha love it, it certainly bought a little %26#039;light relief %26#039;.
Reply:lol...........lovely thing to be reading 1st thing this morning...(pmsl)
Reply:very funny elsie!
Reply:pretty much except we don%26#039;t have a cat.





that%26#039;s very funny, thanks for the laugh ! xx
Reply:disgusting adult content
Reply:lol! We tend to do more hugging and kissing now- sweet!
Reply:Excellent, I%26#039;ve just shown my wife this and we had a good laugh, thanks !
Reply:lol!!! excellent, you%26#039;ve definately cheered up my exceptionaly crappy day!
Reply:We cant live with them can%26#039;t live without them (women)
Reply:Oh Dear!
Reply:Decode this lyrics %26quot;Dirty old man%26quot;


Listen to the lyrics closely.


How little children sing it with %26quot;Feeling%26quot;


In pulling down the pant of the dirty old man.


Luke 8.10,17


What do you think?
Reply:We can all copy and paste emails Elsie. Still, it makes a change from you posting an abusive one to get attention

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