To My Dear Spouse... ??

To My Dear Spouse...








O MY DEAR WIFE,


During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:





54 times the sheets were clean


17 times it was too late


49 times you were too tired


20 times it was too hot


5 times you pretended to be asleep


22 times you had a headache


17 times you were afraid of waking the baby


16 times you said you were too sore


12 times it was the wrong time of the month


19 times you had to get up early


9 times you said weren%26#039;t in the mood


7 times you were sunburned


6 times you were watching the late show


5 times you didn%26#039;t want to muss your new hairdo


3 times you said the neighbors would hear us


9 times you said your mother would hear us





Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory


because:


6 times you just laid there,


8 times you reminded me there%26#039;s a crack in the ceiling,


4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with,


7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished, and one time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.





TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:


I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you


didn%26#039;t get more than you did:





5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat


36 times you did not come home at all


21 times you didn%26#039;t ***


33 times you came too soon


19 times you went soft before you got in


38 times you worked too late


10 times you got cramps in your toes


29 times you had to get up early to play golf


2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls


4 times you got it stuck in your zipper


3 times you had a cold and your nose was running


2 times you had a splinter in your finger


20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day


6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book


98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball,etc. on TV.





Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn%26#039;t talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was , %26quot;would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?%26quot; The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
To My Dear Spouse... ??
he he he he ha ha ha ha ha


i really like it .
To My Dear Spouse... ??
Wouldn%26#039;t that suck?
Reply:I have got to say that it all sounds very sad indeed. Why make excuses not to make love with your partner - what is the point in a relationship if you can%26#039;t bear to touch one another? How about trying to make excuses to make love more often and where ever you are?!!








By the way - you did say %26quot;no smart comments%26quot;, otherwise I would have just said %26quot;ha ha ha, very funny%26quot; thinking it was an attempt at being comical!
Reply:I saw this nearly 7 years ago, in email
Reply:sound about right half the time lol :D
Reply:we must be related...some kind of distant relative for sure...lol
Reply:CUTE
Reply:OH MY...he said he succeeded 36 times, his wife said he didn%26#039;t come home 36 times...now we know that when he succeeded it was with the wrong wife?
Reply:no comment... ~but laughs instead~
Reply:That was great!
Reply:well.....nothing special
Reply:Good one. I had a good laugh after a long long time. Thanks to you. Keep making us laugh like this always.
Reply:LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!! THATS THE FUNNIEST $HIT I HAVE EVER HEARD!!! I REALLY NEEDED A GO0D LAUGH AND I GOT ONE THANKS , YOU REALLY MADE MY DAY!!!LOLZ!!!
Reply:lmfao
Reply:I love sex. i am NEVER too tired to have it. maybe that loser needs to get some viagra or give me his wife%26#039;s vagina.
Reply:totally wicked!! hehe!





Here%26#039;s one for you:
Reply:lol
Reply:THAT IS THE FUNNIEST JOKE IVE EVER HEARD
Reply:You know, there%26#039;s a grain of truth in all great humor (tha%26#039;t%26#039;s why it hits us between the eyes) and I have to feel sorry for people like this-- because you know that there are really some like this out there.





We all need to learn to communicate better and end the game of %26quot;I thought you said %26#039;blah blah%26#039; %26quot; and %26quot;I thought YOU said %26#039;blah blah%26#039; %26quot; I hope this joke helps some couple somewhere get it back together.





...Oh, the things you never learn about sex until after you are married....
Reply:LMAO